My story begins in July 2013. I had an unexpected visit from one of my older Brothers. He came up to my room, sat me down and told me that my Dad had suffered a pretty bad stroke. This was when it all started. I just couldn't handle the emotions I was feeling and the fact that I may never see my Dad again. Boy was I wrong?! He had suffered a bad stroke but was able to stay strong throughout it all.
He had a Police escort from Margate Hospital in Kent to Kings College in London and on the way we very nearly lost him. I had to accept that he may never fully recover and that he may not remember my name or who I am which was heartbreaking but I had to prepare myself.
I found a bottle of wine in the cupboard and took it upstairs with me. I just remember staring at the bottle questioning why I was about to drown my emotions and pain in alcohol, but once I took the first sip... there was no stopping me. I had at least 10 large glasses of Lambrini and was so drunk. The hangover was definitely the worst part. I couldn't even sit up on my bed. It was definitely punishing me for what I had done the night before.
After that it became a habit to just drown out my emotions and my thoughts with alcohol, I would drink multiple bottles a week. I would get paid and just buy alcohol and keep it in my room then while everyone sleeps I just drink myself into paranoia and just block everything out.
ALCOHOL IS NOT THE ANSWER!!
Thinking back now. It wasn't the only option, it was the easy option. Everyone has their ways of dealing with different things. It's natural to do this but please don't think that alcohol is the answer or drugs are the answer, they aren't the only options.
I am not proud of becoming an alcoholic but without help I became the person I am today, the person who can sit in a pub without ordering shots or a large glass of wine, the person who can hold someone else's alcoholic drink without taking a sip or two. I am who I am. I don't regret turning to drink, as it did help drown the pain but I didn't think of the bigger picture. I've spent more than £100 on alcohol alone. I didn't even realise. I starved myself just so I could have enough to buy that bottle of alcohol to calm me down. I was an absolute mess, although I didn't realise at the time.
I will leave some links below if you are going through the same or know someone who drinks heavily to drown out the pain too.
To go to the contact page for Samaritans... please click here.
To go to the NHS Website for Alcohol Misuse... please click here.
If you are worried about someone else please be there for them... it's just like mental health... you feel so alone struggling with the pain.
Whatever you or someone you know is going through... please stay strong. I'm not going to say it gets easier but with the right help... you too will be on the road to recovery.
Where to find me;
Facebook; Miss Catherine Ward
Email contact; firstname.lastname@example.org
My other blog; http://www.blogger.com/misscatherinewardfashion.blogspot.com